Moving on.

I don't write much.
In fact I hate writing.
But just when I do, everything feels better.
I feels relief.

I don't know if any of you notice..
I am a very emotional guy. And I don't find that's embarrassing at all.

Recently, I met someone. ( *drum rolls*)
Just another crush I guess..
But that's what  I'm not going to tell you.
She somehow just disappear into thin air and just gone.

She somehow gave me hopes that first I thought I can rely on.
Just for once I said myself, maybe this is the one. ( I said that most of all the time )
But I think I'm probably the reason it all slip out of my hand.
I never reacts to them well.
I don't know how to react to them.

Just for sure it slipped away this time, just like previous flames.

And then this is what happened.
I'll regret my whole life, thinking every night, regretting (again), and repeat them for thousand time.
That's the problem.

When it comes to moving on, I'm probably the worst.

But just when you stop being yourself and move on, regretting your whole life, it stops you from being who you are, who you're suppose to be. And I'm still learning how to achieve that.

And I keep saying to myself, just maybe she's wasn't for me, after all. Just maybe.

So I woke up this morning feeling very sick - with myself.

Starting with yesterday.

I did make my own "assumption" and decided to go my own way.
From the start.
I also admit that I'm not that brave to apologize.

Hatred, everywhere.
The question is should you avoid the situation (until it gets better) or should you confront now and apologize?

I know that most you probably votes on I need to confront the situation and apologize instead but apologizing (confronting) are the hardest thing for me to do.

Summer Ends

Bonjour, 

Shall i start on how i really miss blogging? 

I spent all my time working that i barely spent any time on blogging.

Last post i think was on early 2013 or end of the 2012.

How long does it take to write down my thoughts like i used to.

My life was so much different than any previous year.

I moved in my grandma's house on April, a few months after my grandpas passed away.

To be really honest, it doesn't really any impact in my life (at first) 

It was normal life routine, except way much better that im so much away from my little sibling.

They tend to annoyed me so much that i always wish to get far away from them..

I thought life's get better as i will start my life in a new surrounding with new peoples to become friends with.

I got wrong.

I spent few months (2 or 3 months) trying to find a new job.

Then i land myself a job as cinema crew around my gramp's house.

Things started to get better. Somehow, some way, my relationship with my dad gets better.

He bought me a motorcycle for my work since its half an hour away from my gramp's house.

That's when things get a little messed up.

My dad literally contacted me like all the time.

He even managed to get me in a driving class (which he only pays in the beginning)

If you know me, you knows me on how i always postponed everything..... 

The point is he is really annoying.

Well i have to say living in my gramp's house a little challenging for me as I always get home really late.

I love spending quality time with my friends ( WHAT?)

I get her, she always blabber on everything, basically.

And now I'm planning to find a room for rent.

It's really tough, based on my salary and budget, i ain't any closer.

Just when i thought live's get any better, it doesn't.

Also, i got tons of new friends. TONS. Accepting this jobs are pretty much having a new family. Big family!

I had fun.

As always there'll always be an assholes.

You just can't except you'll never see one anywhere.

But still i love this jobs and planning to find a new one lols 

Plus they have a nick name for me ( Alif Mix) hahahahaha

Its kinda late now.

I shall write another time.

Cheers,

Alfiq x

flashbacks.

HI,

i got this sort of feeling i'll be active on blogging again since now im actually using a smartphone.

Quit difficult but at least it helps to express my addiction.

you see i treat this blogger pretty much like my manly dairi. Daily dairi.

So as you can see the title of my post 'flashback'..

I was feeling really down lately.

I dont if its just me, but i felt everyone around around me are taking advantage of me. 

no more goofy post this time.

to be honest, i am really soft-heartes kind of guy and some people just think i'll stay quiet and do nothing.

not anymore.

when im sad, my mine right away connected to my favorite aunt. Was my favourite. Until she passed away..

i remember it was the darkest time of my whole life since she was really close to me and my older sister.

We shared everything together. she was always there when i need some help.

she'll stay up late at night, prepared me a slice of moist chocolate cake and a cup of hot chocolate. listening every story from my mouth.

the whole point is she was always there when i need a support, help, to be cheer up.

Shes gone now.

and i feel really lonely.

alfatihah to Arwah Hajah Aisah binti Ahamd.

that would be all this time.

thanks for reading and at least try to feels 

what i feels.

love always,

alfiq zachary x

Journey.

Hi,
here i am accompany by a glass of hot milk by my side
and tv noises behind my back,
trying to get inspire to write for my new post.

Im trying to remember when's actually the last time i actually got my own laptop time..
welli dont know remember,
all i know it was really long long time ago.

Mm-hm to be honest, there's so much things going on lately.
New crush (braces, according to who knows it/ whom. obviously 'it' wears a braces and have a really really attractive smile!)

Dont let me start on this. Hahaha im starting now.
It was a couple months ago, when 'braces' came to store im working with, Subway. Oh my goodness, im trying so hard not to make things so obvious here that im using 'it' and 'braces' to describe my crush. Let the question mark flows with it.
Okay back to the story, 'braces' came, buying some sandwiches.
It was really hard to describe how i felt that time, somehow the feeling just attached, right away.
(ehem commercial break, it was lady Gaga songs:marry the night on MTV)

I know some says im just being a kinda "perasan" lol i forgot the word.
This 'braces' are really really really really really attractive that 'it' face looks sort of eurasian, chinese thingy.
SINCE I GOT THOSE BIGGEST CRUSH ON BRACES, I TOLD ALL THE OTHER STAFFS TO BACK OFF. Enough with caps lock. I took braces' order all the time.
Braces somehow knows i got a crush on 'it'. (SEE?! Im hiding something. 'IT')
Braces somehow plays along with this, those smile, hm everything about braces actually kills me everytime.
BRACES ARE TOO PERFECT. The accents AHHHHH

Here's some hints; AIRASIA. Thats the only thing i can tell right now.
*evil laughs nonstop
Until i accidentally saw something on braces' wallet....
a photo................
which i dont really like.......
Braces are in relationship. (So that i think. How do i know, DUHH common sense lah"
it was the end of my world LOL
No it wasnt. I must be a fool if it is.

Braces kept on coming. And still, plays along. i wasnt so much interested.
But the feeling was undeniable, it was so strong that even im trying so hard not to bother it, it kills me, literally. It really does.

That one day, the day i was off, my off day. Braces came. You see, braces' working. DANG another hint, youre nearly there people.
Braces came, and i was off, braces was looking for me, according to my work mate..
So here's the conversation; *rewinding tape sounds like*

Staff 1: hello there, is this all? Anything else for you?
Braces: ( As attractive as braces sounds like) hm nothing else, that would be all. Thanks. (Attractive smiles insert here)
And then continues;Hm i was wondering where that boy, yea?
(Well look, the whole store knows i got a crush on this one aye?)
Staff 1: Hm which one yea?
Braces: The one whose serves me all the time?
Staff 1: Hm doesnt ring a bell. Which one really (Still playing the game)
Braces: The malay one? Hmhm tall, cute, good-looking, good talker and eurasian look alike?
(well i made up the whole lines)
Staff 1: Oh that one! (Finally) he's on leave today. Why? Whats up? *giving it a suspicious look
Braces: Oh oh, no-nothing really nothing. Thanks anyway. *and leaves and dine in for about a hour and a half. (waiting for me i think lol)

So thats the whole summary about me and braces complicated kind of crush relationship.

As about me? im doing really that the fact that ive actually gained so much weight and i dont know its because of paranoia or its real.....
And i also boosted up my level confident as now i am really talking english ALL THE TIME.
Its fun to be truth. To be wrong sometimes, who cares. Im learning.
As i heard before; To learn is the purpose of living in this world.
British accent? Everyone believes it. Afterall im not a just a normal malay guy huh?
Sometime i lied saying my blue are real and im a eurasian. Everyone buys it. Good actor here.

There's lots of up and down, the normal life of a teen aye?
Fights, emotionals time, lonely, the need of new cloths, extra money, and new gadgets in markets everywhere. Everything is just tempting in whole kind of way, really. Jealousy, all those teen stuffs,
Duhh anywhere i also bought a new smartphone, a android, the purpose of my daily instagram addiction. Follow me! See the instagram badge on the left column? yes press that. And you'll find mine :B

Anyway, i'd spent nearly two hours now on this lousy laptop.
Its really time for me to do some customization on the layout since i dont really have any other time.
So cheers and see ya in another post! Good night and tight sleep

*some of the words/statement might not or might be true. Lol ( too much lol)

Love always,

Alfiq zachary

Trying to put all my past year memories back and all i can remember is me being a school bad-ass and rebelling.

Feels like yesterday i was still in school, yawning in history class, talking and probably laughing and making jokes with classmates.

Everything changed now.

Some are now in colleges, or university or pre-university (i think)

But some.. like me.. working. (sigh)

" Life is like a riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving." -Albert Einstein.

To be honest? I regret that i didn't focus on school.

Ah life goes on.

I feel my life never been this better.
Truth shall reveal themselves sooner or later.

Gives

This is my sixth day in Luqman's house, sleeping over.
I was like suppose like went home like fews  hour ago...
But then the clouds started to pours all the rain non stop that stops me from going home.
Another night for me.
i was like giving a little sigh, not that i hate being here,
Its just i dont wanna burden anyone, so yeah
and of course, i miss my family ( tho obviously im trying to get away from them )

But then i know, God definitely got a better plan.


Like another normal night, Luqman's dad took us to the nearly mosque.
As always, im not really intresting in those religion talking stuffs thingy...
But then Luqman's dad remind us to stay cause there gonna be a special guest coming.
I dont know why but suddenly i got so interested to stay.

There's this curious and eager feelings inside me that makes me to stay


A guy, a religious one came as a guest tonight.
From his physical, i just know he's a mix and he wasnt really too old, kinda like around my ages.
that's makes me more curious to know who he is.
Then as he started to talk,
he is Portugese mix, and used to be a Christian and now converted into Islam.
That shocked me a little cause he dressed up as a really perfect muslim
He reads all the Alquran really perfect.

So then he started to talk,
He told us that he used to hate Islam and muslim peoples.
And how he never really cares for this,
and never really expected he would one of the muslim one day
Cause his father is one of the well-known and good father between all of the Malaysia's church.

As his mouths speaks more, i was like drowning in this world.
I was somehow sad, guilty and emberassed with myself.
My dad is Chindian mixes, so he doesnt really good in this Muslim's stuffs.
so that makes my family are like so sucks at this stuffs.
My Family barely prays to Allah back then.
We all lived in a very pathetic way.

As one of the Muslims, i am also regrets that Malaysia's Muslim also converted into Christian.
No offenses, doesnt mean it to anyone.
Me, myself wasnt a really perfect muslims tho.

Anyway the whole religious talking night definitely changes and make my day.
It was like waking me up from my long sleep and brought me back into the reality.

The portugese-mix-guy really inspired me.
I will soon try to improvise myself so that i'll become a better Muslim.
Alhamdullilah :-)

So that's all for tonight. Its almost 1 oclock now. Gonna hit the sack now,
Goodnight and Assalamuallaikum.
See you guys in next entry.

  Alfiq Zachary xxxx